Acceptance
Acceptance refers to the experiencing of a situation that may be felt as unpleasant, without attempting to change it, defy it, or escape from it.
The term can mean that the acceptance is behavioral only, but more often means that the acceptance includes feelings and thoughts that are consistent with the behavioral acceptance.
Acceptance is a concept in Eastern spirituality, such as TaoismOpens in new window and Buddhist mindfulnessOpens in new window, and in Western psychology. Acceptance is recommended when the situation is undesirable and either unchangeable or potentially changeable only by incurring significant risk.
In the Tao Te ChingOpens in new window, written over 2,500 years ago, Lao Tzu describes an attitude of acceptance toward life. Lao TzuOpens in new window writes about a universal energy that has a natural rhythm. A more satisfactory life means moving in concert with the energy of the universe, not against it. Swimming against the tide can drain one’s energy, proving harmful or possibly even fatal.
The Serenity PrayerOpens in new window, which is most often attributed to American theologian Reinhold NiebuhrOpens in new window, who is presumed to have written it sometime between the mid 1930s and the 1950s, conveys the importance of acceptance:
“Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The Serenity Prayer has been adopted by Alcoholics AnonymousOpens in new window and other 12-step groups and is referenced frequently in popular culture such as television shows, movies, and popular songs. Niebuhr’s authorship of the prayer has been disputed (e.g., Shapiro, 2008).
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1969)Opens in new window wrote about a psychological process that one goes through when diagnosed with a terminal illness. According to the theory, after the stages of denial, angerOpens in new window, bargaining, and depressionOpens in new window, one enters the final stage: acceptance.
With acceptance, the individual is able to move on to other things in life rather than being completely absorbed with the dramatic emotions involved in the anger, bargaining, and depression stages; true acceptance brings inner peace.
The path to acceptance is very painful, however, and people will not always arrive at acceptance, even over many months or possibly years. As Kübler-Ross also later amended her theory, saying that individuals can sometimes skip one of the stages.
Research indicates that acceptance can lead to positive outcomes for people. For instance, Morling and Evered (2006) reviewed research on a coping mechanism called secondary controlOpens in new window that involves both acceptance and adjusting some aspect of the self when facing a challenging life event or circumstance.
In their review of diverse research studies, Morling and Evered concluded that people who use secondary control tend to have less depression and better adjustment. Additionally, adolescents who use secondary control are better able to cope with several challenging stressors, including family poverty and having a parent who suffers from depression.
- Seligman, M. (2007), What you can change and what you can’t: The complete guide to successful self-improvement. New York: Vintage.
- Tsu, L. (1989). Tao te ching. New York: Vintage.
- Kubler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. New York: Macmillan.
- Morling, B., & Evered, S. (2006). Secondary control reviewed and defined. Psychological Bulletin, 132, 269 – 296.
- Shapiro, F. (2008, July/August). Who wrote the Serenity Prayer? Yale Alumni Magazine.
