Shyness

Photograph courtesy of Health DayOpens in new window Shyness is an emotional state involving feelings of nervousness, awkwardness, and inhibition in social settings.

Shyness may be a temporary emotional state that may occur to nearly everyone or it may operate as a personality trait (disposition).

Experiencing shyness involves feeling, physiological, cognitive (thinking), and behavioral aspects. An individual’s feelings of nervousness and awkwardness are typically accompanied by bodily symptoms such as blushing, dry mouth, sweating, pounding heart, upset stomach, or dizziness. Fear that others will observe these physical symptoms intensifies the feelings of nervousness and awkwardness.

In the course of being shy, the individual’s thoughts are worrisome and self-preoccupied. Some of these thoughts are meta-cognitionsOpens in new window, meaning thoughts about thoughts or other symptoms (Hendin & Cheek, 1999). For instance, while engaged in a social interaction, the individual may think, “I always say such stupid things” or “I wish I could be relaxed and normal like everybody else.”

Shy people’s thoughts and beliefs tend to vary from those of most other people in that shy people believe others are constantly evaluating social interactions, that they themselves will be evaluated negatively, and that others are paying a great deal of attention to them.

Additionally, they selectively remember aspects of interactions that reflect negatively on them, blame themselves for failures in social contexts, and believe successes are due to external factors such as luck.

Behaviorally, the shy person tends to be withdrawn, unassertive, and nonconfrontational. S/he may have awkward body language such as fidgeting, avoiding direct eye contact, or maintaining a large personal space (Hendin & Cheek, 1999).

The shy person may or may not be low in sociability. Being low in sociability means that an individual does not desire much social interaction. However, some people who are shy have moderate to high sociability needs. These individuals experience a conflict between approach and avoidance, and their shyness, which inhibits their sociability, can be experienced as painful.

Shyness is associated with both positive and negative traits. For instance, shyness has been correlated with interpersonal warmth, modesty, and sensitivity. Additionally, some evolutionary psychologists view shyness as having survival value in humans and other animals (e.g., Hendin & Cheek, 1999).

From this perspective, shyness is seen as related to subordination and submissiveness. The body language of shyness, including blushing, can be perceived by others as appeasement. Furthermore, shyness is related to fear of strangers and of new situations. This vigilance and suspiciousness can save an individual’s life.

Overall, however, shyness tends to be viewed as negative in American culture, which values traits such as extraversion and assertiveness. Shy people tend to have relatively low self-esteem (Cheek & Melchior, 1990) and inferior social skills (e.g., Bruch, 2001).

Shyness is associated with negative life effects, including lower achievement in school or work settings compared to individuals who are more outgoing or assertive. Additionally, shy people have more difficulty with friendship and romantic relationships (Nelson et al., 2008). Shy men are at an even greater disadvantage than women since in many cultures men are supposed to approach women when they are romantically interested; the same expectation is not placed on women.

It is possible for the shy person to change her attitudes about self and others and develop effective ways of interacting socially. Techniques that can decrease shyness include challenging and ultimately changing one’s ways of thinking about oneself and about others, forcing oneself to behave in an outgoing or assertive fashion, learning social skills (communication in particular), taking medication, and other means (e.g., Antony & Swinson, 2008).